I decided to sit down and play through one of the latest, most hyped, video games of the month. Not “Gears of War 5” or anything like that. I’m talking about “I Love you, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator.” 

Yes, this is an actual game, and, yes, KFC has actually put in time and money to make this into an playable game. This was made by Psyop Productions, a production company that specializes in animation and video games in a 2-D fashion. They’ve made the latest in the visual novel-style of games, which is where the player clicks through an adventure while reading along with the text and must occasionally make choices that alter the story. 

You play as the plucky young student, insert your name here, who is about to take on the three-day courses at the University of Cooking School: Academy for Learning. The gender is left ambiguous in the game. So, there’s nothing saying that you can’t get into a same-sex relationship with the head mascot — KFC himself.

The characters range from your best friend, Miriam, to your rivals, Aeshleigh and Van Van. There is a dog as a professor and other classmates like the Ralph Wiggum-esque, Pop and Clank.. Pop acts like Ralph Wiggum, and he is even the son of someone who’s a lot higher up than you’d expect for a character with that small of an intelligence level. At the same time, I still haven’t figured out what Clank was, other than a rolling cooking mixer of some kind. He only spoke in machine noises for the majority of the game. 

The Colonel himself has been drawn to look like an average high school love interest, and, yes, he does still have the goatee for some reason. 

While I admit, I had seen some gameplay before, I wasn’t quite sure how I would feel about it myself. I was treated to experiences ranging from a timed quiz to the game’s equivalent of an acid trip. The only difference was that said trip is induced by taking a bite into the perfectly golden-fried goodness that was the equivalent of KFC without officially calling it KFC. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get the ideal ending where you end up as both Colonel Sanders’ business partner and lover. I was only able to get his romantic affection. Such a shame, isn’t it?  

All in all, though, the game was surprisingly well organized given the situation. Much like the visual novel’s popularity around the world, the game’s characters are fairly well-drawn out. Are these characters stereotypes? Of course they are. It’s not the worst game in the world, and KFC has certainly gotten people’s attention with this eccentric game. For a company that glorifies product placement, I’ve seen worst things that have been made.

If you want to try out this rush for yourself and see whether you can woo the Colonel, the KFC Dating Simulator is available on both Mac and PC for free via Steam. 

 

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